The secret is out!

Well, the worlds worst kept secret that is! Yes, if you haven't already guessed or been told, Im pregnant with baby number three! Am I excited? Yes. Was I initially? Quite honestly, no. It was a shock, a bit of a surprise. Now, however, I am so excited about this growing bump and seeing what we have created. The excitement this time has built slowly over the past couple of months as I came to terms with life taking an unexpected turn. As the logistics have fallen into place and I have realised we will cope in all ways and that we are good parents with two wonderful children already, I have been able to daydream about this little one, the newborn cuddles I get to have and the joy of watching a little bub grow into a little person. Will it be hard work? YES! Will it always be enjoyable? Probably not even half of it, but it is still going to be wonderful in its own way.

I am under no pretence about what lies ahead, I have resigned myself to the fact I am very likely to be housebound for most of this year which is my idea of torture, but after taking my current two little ones out today to the doctors, chemist and bakery for a coffee, I can definitly say that wasn't much fun either! In the middle of it all though there is always funny, adorable or memorable moments that make you smile. Like Chloe practicing her Ballet at the doctors as she always does and then Elyssa joining in, following her around the office trying to kick her leg in the air and do twirls. I also ran into a friend who has three little ones. I watched her cross the road and thought well, she still gets out. Then I stopped her for a chat and told her just that and she laughed and said it is very rare for her to take all three out, she avoids it as much as possible! She did give me a tip though, get a good double pram and keep them strapped in no matter what! Give them food, toys, everything IN the pram. A good tip.

So yes, this year will be tough...but then I think it will start to very slowly get easier...Chloe starts school next year so I will be back to just the two at home and the baby will be 6 months this time next year. Ben has started to show he is excited too, we are already arguing about the babies name. He has also come to terms with the fact that we are both going to have to give up our sewing/computer room as we will need another bedroom.

Then there is the wonder. Will it be a boy or a girl? My guess is a girl, although this pregnancy couldn't be more different that my previous ones. I have had a little bit of morning sickness but nothing like last time. I am tired but not overly, last time I could barely get off the couch. This time my morning sickness starts at mid day through to dinner, unlike the last two times when it was all day. I haven't had any migraines this time and my heart hasn't done anything wierd like last time. In fact it has been quite easy to forget Im even pregnant, other than the gigantic belly that appeared very early on, before I even realised I was pregnant! I have been in maternity clothes for a month and Im only 14 weeks!

So after the initial shock our excitment is gaining momentum, helped along by the ultrasound I had last week which was just amazing! Tiny little hands and tiny little feet. The bub moved around so much I was there for two hours while the sonographer did her best to get the measurements she needed. The little monkey kept standing on its head. The best part? Chloes excitment and love of the baby. She thought the little jelly bean on the screen was 'beautiful!' and she keeps asking me little questions about it like how it eats and if it swims around my body. She calls it a jelly bean and keeps asking to see my belly.

My biggest worry is how Elyssa is going to cope. She is very attached to me and sits with me for alot of the day giving me cuddles. She is only going to be 21 months when the baby comes so still a baby herself really. It is also leading into a difficult age, the beginning of the terrible twos then the ferral threes. Im trying not to think to much about it though, it will all work itself out.

I also worry about what personality this bub is going to have! We love both our girls equally but Elyssa is really easy going most of the time and Chloe well....isn't. She is full of life though and very entertaining but just not the easiest child to parent. She is also a shocking sleeper where as Elyssa is a brilliant sleeper. Sleep is very important to my ability to remain a rational parent! I suspect Elyssa is a one off though so Im not holding my breath that we will get another one like her!

So will it be a boy or girl? Quite honestly Im not overly fussed and neither is Ben. If its a girl we have about triple what we need. If its a boy, its a new adventure!

Positive Parenting Program

I am on a quest to become a better parent. I am a very good teacher,a great daycare provider and just assumed positive parenting would come naturally. It didn't! At least, not enough of the time. When I am on my game and everything is organised and I have had enough sleep, all the planets are alligned in the right order, the temperature is exactly right, I have had just the right amount of caffine....you get the idea....I am an awesome mum. However, as my oldest has gotten older I have found myself falling into a cycle of negativity. You know what I mean...don't do that....leave that alone....I am going to count to three....one more time and blanky goes on the fridge...do you want to sleep outside....Ill put you out with the wheelie bin (not really, but I think it!). This was not the way I pictured parenting. Its a very draining way to parent and makes you not look forward to getting out of bed in the morning.

I tried the 'one, two, three...magic' parenting approach. I bought the book, studied it over and over, talked Ben through the basic techniques and put it into practice. Did it work? Yes. Was it positive? No. It also often ended in 'timeout' which was not a quiet experience like the book suggested it should be. It was a  kicking, screaming, banging experience that must have made the neighbours wonder what on earth was going on. In fact I know they did wonder because when I met my new neighbour she didnt seem too keen on stopping for a chat. She did manage to ask me how many kids I had. When I replied 'two' she said 'Its hard with little kids isn't it...' and kept walking...hmmm. The other issue with the timeout tantrums was that we have a baby and it became difficult to find a place to have timeout without waking the baby. The other issue with counting to three was the frusteration I felt when Chloe discovered she could do what she liked until after I said 'two' without going in timeout. This was driving me insane! I started to undermine the program by counting really fast to try and catch her out or I would just loose it and have my own temper tantrum. So, to sum it all up, counting to three didn't really work for us.

I went back to trusty Google and continued my search for a good parenting system that would work for us. I came across the 'positive parenting program'. itunes had some free podcasts about it. I had a listen and liked the sound of it. I was walking around town the same week and by complete coincidence found a leaflet advertising the course here in my home town. It is a four week program with three follow up phone calls over another four weeks. See? The planets had alligned just right and I saw this as a sign from the heavens that this was the one for us! The cost? Just $20 to cover the cost of the workbook.

I am currently part way through the course and it has completely changed the relationship between my daughter and myself. The course content is excellent, it challenges the way you think about discipline and its completely based around being a positive rolemodel. The course instructor...not so good. Im not sure she is all there. Luckily the workbook has alot of info in it that makes alot of sense!

So far this is the list of the most valuable information i have got out of it. It would depend on your individual child though...

1. Don't say don't

Everytime you tell my child not to do something she will see it as a challenge to find a way to do it. Its all about the words! For example, instead of saying 'don't hit your sister' you say 'keep your hands to yourself'. Can you see the difference? Keep your hands to yourself is a clear direction about how to behave. Repeat it often enough they might actually start to 'get' it.

2. Descriptive Praise

Catch them doing something good that you want them to continue and clearly praise them. For example, 'gosh you are playing nicely with your sister today! I like the way you are reading her a story, she loves it when you play like that.' The other trick is to do this all the time

3. We do way too much for our kids

This point has made a big difference to our day. An example....Chloe can dress herself...when she feels like it. If she would do this all the time my life would be easier. I made a conscious choice to change this behaviour. The way to do it is to allow HEAPS of time and to 'ask...say...do'. Ask her to get dressed. If she can't or wont do it, remind her of the first step. 'Take off your PJ pants'. If there is something they have difficulty with like buttons, show them how to do one, then let them complete the task. Chloe now looks forward to getting dressed in the morning and does it all by herself. Yay! She also now does lots of other things because I followed the same process. She feeds the cat and the fish, uses the dust pan and broom to sweep up the 'piles' I have made, gets her own drink of water from the tap, sets the table and yesterday got her own yogurt from the tub. She makes her bed and tidies away toys and books in her room. I know this process is working because yesterday I noticed she had changed the toys she was playing with in her room and had packed the first one up and put it away before she got the second one out. Amazing! Go Chloe.

4. Clear household rules

This is another thing that struck home with me. When I was asked what our rules are I couldn't quite think of what they are. How on earth can I expect my child to follow the rules when it isn't clear what they are in the first place. As a family we have started to talk informally about what rules we should have and Chloe has even contributed a couple. Now when she isn't doing what she is supposed to I relate it back to our house rule. Like, we walk inside, keep your hands to yourself, we sit down to eat, we talk in a pleasant voice etc. Its funny, Chloe has even started pulling us up when we break the rule. The other day I asked Ben to give Ely a bath and he said as a joke 'i don't wanna!' Chloe out of the blue responded with 'stop winghing daddy!'. Very funny!

5. Routine, routine, routine!!

I thought we were pretty good at this one until I realised we aren't! A routine is so important to keep a child feeling safe and knowing what is expected of them. Like the getting dressed issue. Now Chloe knows we all go upstairs, she gets dressed while I dress Ely, she makes her bed, puts PJs away and tidies the toys and books, Ely has a sleep while we head to the bathroom to do Chloes hair and brush her teeth. In order for this to run smoothly this needs to be the process every single morning when ever possible. We have also started an after dinner routine of everybody cleaning up, not just one of us. I love it because all the toys get put away, the rubbish gets taken out and the table wiped down, all while I am cleaning the kitchen. Then all I have to do is sweep instead of spending another 30 minutes doing it all myself. Chloe doesn't complain because its become part of the day and everyone is contributing. Again, this now has to happen every night otherwise Chloe will see it as a choice instead of something that must be done. It helps Ben and I stay in a routine as well.

6. Planned ignoring

This is a good one and has made such a diference. Basically you ignore anything that you can. Badgering, Whinging and Whinning are big problems here, even Ely has started copying Chloe when she does it. Now we just take a deep breath and ignore it. It gets alot worse before it gets better but it really works. Its good for tantrums too. Again though it is all about consistency. In order for the behaviour to stop you need to respond the same everytime.

Im really enjoying this journey and I am learning heaps along the way. I would highly recommend this program to anyone! It really makes you look at yourself as a person and what you are expecting of your kids.