Saturday, August 4, 2012
I'm back, it has been just over twelve months since my last post. Since then we have moved house and been run off our feet with our three gorgeous, delightful, funny girls. Life is never dull at the house of pink and it is definitely never quiet! Amelia has celebrated her first birthday and elyssa is about to turn three! Chloe started school this year and she loves it more than life itself. I love watching her little idea of the world expand as she soaks up new information like a sponge eager to learn. Personally for myself it has not been the greatest year to date. A few months ago we learnt the devastating news that my older brother has cancer. His prognosis is good and he is coping as best as he can with the plate he has been dealt. He is half way through his treatment and it seems it is working and the tumor in his chest and back has started to shrink. My own health has been thrown a bit of a curve ball as I have started down the track towards a possible diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. I have waited all year to have an MRI which was now completed the other day. I don't know the results yet and I'm hoping to find out this week. I have a strong sense that it is not going to be clear and that I do have MS. I keep telling myself that knowing isn't going to make any difference to my life as if I do have the disorder I have had it for the past seven years, possibly longer. I have often had nerve issues and struggled to keep up an exercise program due to always finding myself in pain. After Chloe's birth I noticed my right foot going progressively numb over a period of a month or so. Back then the two doctors I saw felt it might be to do with the epidural I had. I decided to get on with life and over time my brain stopped recognizing that my foot was permanently asleep. It still moved ok, it was just the skin that was numb. After Elyssas birth I felt the now familiar pain in my knee that marked the beginning of my left foot going numb. This time I didnt seek any advice, I just figured it was one of those weird Shell things. It wasn't until after Amelia's birth that I realized I had a problem. As I walked out of hospital with my beautiful, tiny new bub I felt that same painful sensation I got before my feet went numb but this time it was in my thumb. Within days my hand started to go numb. This time I was concerned because I had decided my back was probably causing the foot numbness because of pregnancy. I couldn't think of any logical reason why my hand would go numb. I barely had time to think about this new realization before I was swept back up in the familiar yet terrifying newborn baby wave. I resurfaced once when Amelia was about 6 weeks old to ask the local GP in passing about my numbness. He suggested seeing a neurologist. I declined much to his shock saying I was too busy. He gave me a disapproving look but didn't comment any further. By the time I arrived home I was immediately swept back up into the life of mothering three little children five and under and didn't think any more about it. Over the next six months I barely noticed my other hand go numb or the fact that I seemed unable to tell with my arms and hands if water was hot and cold. six months ago as life was starting to settle down I did start to take a bit more notice as a small part of my face had started to get that familiar numb feeling. I consulted dr google who informed me over and over again that there was a high possibility that I might have MS. This was the first time I had considered it. Friends had mentioned it to me but I always laughed it off explaining that they didn't understand, I'm just weird. So I pulled my head out of the sand and dragged myself kicking and screaming to the GPs. Since then I have seen two GPs, a general specialist and a neurologist that specializes in MS. The neurologist has sent me for the MRI I had yesterday and now I wait for news... The important thing is if I do have MS it is not the end of the world. you do not survive MS, you manage It and live with the condition. It doesn't shorten your life and most people don't end up in a wheel chair. I'm not going to spend any time at all thinking about what lies for me in the future because there is no point. I could spend the next ten years in a deep, dark depression, wondering what my life is going to be like when I start to really deteriorate but the reality is I might just be wasting my time. I honestly believe a cure for MS and other related conditions is not far away. So much progress has already been made. I would rather take each day as it comes and not look too far ahead. Enjoy the wonderful life I have with my girls and wonderful husband, living our happy life.